Welcome to Camp Motivator
After last year’s disaster, everyone at Head agreed we couldn’t let our athletes near the factory again. But they’re always hanging around asking for free stuff, so we had to do something to keep them distracted.
That’s why we built Camp Motivator, a state of the art training facility high in the Austrian Alps, where we figured they could taser each other and set off fireworks to their heart’s content. We put the Fire Brigade on standby and forgot all about it. Until our Chief Motivational Officer Franz Klammer came back from a research trip to the Far East talking about spirit animals and trailing a valet called Feng, and things got interesting.
We managed to persuade last year’s directors Jones out of retirement to film the results. Here’s what they have to say: ‘When Head asked us to film these lunatics again, our first answer was No. Then we thought about it more, and said NO again, this time using caps lock. But the truth is, the last couple of years were pretty freaky, and the child support bills were killing us, so we took the money. When we turned up, they’d already taken all the hallucinogenic drugs, and Klammer was wrestling a polar bear. It was our kind of party. After that, the film directed itself. It’s just a shame we cut the camera before Anna Veith put her boots on using only her mind. That was really something.’
On any spiritual journey, some people do better than others. Aksel Lund Svindal and his skis were married in a small but moving ceremony in early December, while Matthias Mayer was last seen crossing the Italian border under cover of night, calling himself ‘The Panther’. Moral of the story? Don’t try to eat soup with ski poles, kids.